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So I wrote that fan thing with its roots in historical atrocity through June/July, and put it out there for the five people that would read it, and yea verily there were five eyes upon it and one voice howling back from the wilderness, and so no one was surprised nor disappointed.  Smallest fandom I've ever worked in, but there was no stopping that story from coming out.  Maybe someone else will read the fucking thing someday.  Eh.  Doesn't matter.

And now I will write a shorter Sherlock (BBC) story bookended with two locked room mysteries based on the philosophy and structure of the rhetorical argument outlined in not-actually-Cicero's Rhetorica ad Herennium, because clearly I hate myself. On the bright side, every time I churn out a piece of fan work, original work does actually get some structure.  Also, probably more than five people will read this one, out of sheer malignant curiosity than anything else.  Which will be fun and possibly devastating to my psyche, but who cares, that's what liquor is for.

Also, I hate everything.  It's that sort of month.

Does anyone actually use this thing besides GRRM anymore?  Maybe I should go over to Tumblr with all the other weirdly obsessive nerds.

Jun. 24th, 2013

You ever get gripped by a story idea and research the absolute shit out of it, knowing that there's always more depressing facts to uncover on the topic, and then eventually hit a point in actually working on the story where the implications of what's going on are so fucking grim that you're genuinely sitting there going "Why in the ever-loving peanut-butter fuck am I writing this?"

Oh, right.  Because I can't get the idea out of my head and it needs to come out and I don't actually give a rip at this point if someone enjoys the story or not - I have to write it.  I can't even publish it, because it's still fanfiction, and I'll never rip off the serial numbers and make this fucker an original, because I never want to rework these scenes again when I'm done.  I'm not even writing very graphically - I leave the worst implied, because I have a sense of mercy for the reader and do not actually dig on torture porn.

But I know what's going on between the periods and the commas.

Jesus Christ, I hate to love this thing I am working on.

May. 26th, 2013


Next project in research - an Agent Pendergast story. The Pendergast books by Preston & Child are popcorn thrillers, in the vein of Crichton with a bit of heavy handed Scooby-Doo hoaxing. The titular agent is cool, reserved, and almost obnoxiously well-prepared for many - not all - situations. If you are reading this and are a fan of seeing Benjamin Linus put through the wringer... check out the Pendergast stuff.  It's terrific 'my brain checked out of the hotel and I am twenty points more foolish FOREVER but now I can pretend I know something about DNA testing or whatever' beach material.

The upcoming fic is tentatively called NAGA.

The research is unpleasant.

nostalgia, plans

Pam panties
Working on an outline for a completely unrelated to LOST fic project to see if I can work in a different style, get back on the horse.  Also pursuant to that, going to see if customer service can find my old DR account since the email attached to it is deader than dead.  I wrote a lot while playing that game; it had a helpful effect on both my creativity and getting me out of the house.  Very weird; sort of Bizarro-World MMORPG.  Warcraft put people in basements, DR got me out of one, so to speak.  So, we'll see if that gets anywhere.

Meanwhile, I need to find some new userpics for the rare moments I still use this damn thing.


oh shi
holy shit it's done.

I've got to get around to finishing up the After VC archive, but it's done and posted to


Mar. 5th, 2013

Next problem - I think I've lost the password to Variantconstant and it may stay lost. is updated, that's fine, but not quite sure what to do there.  I'll suss something out.

Mar. 4th, 2013

benry, will cut you
It comes time for the dilemma -

-get beer, work on next chapter, then allow some Etrian Odyssey IV after around 8?

-get beer, allow some Etrian Odyssey IV because I've been working on this ALL DAY and could use a break (especially since I do now fully have a chapter in the can, pending some editing), then maybe write all night since sleep sounds like bullshit.

-just get some fucking beer and see how it rolls.

-don't get beer.

...That last option might be a joke option.

Sorry.  I think I've actually missed liveblogging pointless crap while slamming werds.
oh shi
Man, that title's longer than the post.  Words pictured are subject to change.  I'm hoping to get several chapters in and towards the end before posting, to forestall any further waits.


(later edit: I'm aware this is the last piece I had updated, but I may have to wiggle a retcon or two.  Luckily, it's really just a final push to finish the sumbitch)

Nov. 26th, 2012

jacket, creepy, t-shirt, Vampire Ben
I'm still alive.  Figure that shit out, because I was pretty sure election season was going to kill me.

You think I'm kidding.  If you do, you probably haven't seen my Facebook.  Skip it, it's drama.  Point is: I'm not being particularly hyperbolic.  Healthwise, it has been a shit awful few months.  My heart and blood pressure feel fucked up, I've got stress out the waz.  I've lost several clothing sizes and it's not all entirely due to changes in my eating, which have in fact occurred.  Depression?  Immobilizing.

It's really lots of fun to watch a relative go full force fucking freaky.  It's extra fun to start doing it yourself.

I took up polymer sculpture as a way to poke my creativity in the ass and get my brain working again so I can write.  It's fun, but I have been so god damned fucked up that even that goes into long periods of not working.  It also doesn't help that I'm sitting on several pounds of self-inflicted guilt over projects that I haven't finished.

So.  Here comes the holidays.  Yay.

Aug. 15th, 2012

haaaaaai drunk posting haaaai.

oh jesus.  It's almost 2am and let me tell you, diet mountain dew and spiced dark rum are not exactly terrific to mix but they'll work in a pinch.  Also... also... unless you have a really fucking good relationship and ...fuck, word, fuck, what word... synergy.  hey, I can still spell that.

unless you have a really good situation with your family, don't fucking friend them on fucking facebook.

I should pick a fandom and write a really shitty drunkfic and see what happens.  God, I miss lost.


Khaman, but not really

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